Being Kind to Yourself Can Make You Achieve your Goals.
Girls and young women get repeated messages from our culture of what it is to be a woman. Many of these messages include being a helper, being subservient, being quiet, and complacent. This could’ve happened in your family of origin, at school, in your corporation or business that you work at, etc. If we look at psychology and how we learn, we see that children observe behaviors, and they interpret an event through their emotional and thinking lens. This is all done nonverbally. We have accepted negative messages and ways we are taught to behave without even knowing it. The underlying story becomes more difficult to ignore when our feelings reach out to us and say, hey, “something is not right here. I have a sad feeling about this; I am angry, upset, and/or feeling resentment”. Usually, you acknowledge it, and then you move right along to the next project, or to the next thing because you’re resilient, you’re strong, and a determined person.
Even though you are strong, these emotional messages are markers for the internal state and our inner world. It is asking for you to pay attention to it. I know it isn't easy. We live in a culture all of our focused energy is focused on the external. We have many things that are pulling for attention. I don’t know about you, but I did not get a manual on how to calm down, slow down, or even connect to how I feel and respect it.
Culture teaches us to go go go and keep on moving. This constant moving and achieving is what keeps many high achieving women feeling stuck. We build our identities around our capabilities because that is human nature. We want to feel productive and confident and have self-esteem; sometimes, this gets wrapped up in our achievements and high determination. Many women think that the shift to slowing down and connecting to yourself is scary, and it will ultimately not make you determined and motivated.
Ha, But that is just the opposite of what will happen. Dr. Kristen Neff researches self-compassion, and she notes that the more self-compassionate you are with yourself, the more you have the energy to do the things that you love to do, do them well, and be centered. The shift is not about crazy external transformation; yet it could be, but what I’m talking about is a shift in the relationship with yourself. This internal sense of putting yourself first, listening to what your body needs, being kind, using sensitive, beautiful words towards yourself, and nourishing your soul's deepest values. Imagine you take all that enthusiasm, self-determination, motivation, get it done attitude, and aligned this with your values. Whoa!
Please remember that you change the world by just being you!
“Compassion is not our softness. It is fierce. It is unyielding, uncompromising in the love that feeds it. Centering love is no joke. No easy task”. Meanna Welti Mother Tongue Ink.
Soul Glue Refection:
How do you treat yourself when no one is watching?
Please take good care of your heart.
Sincerely,
