Can My Anxiety Lead to Transformation? 2 Techniques to Help Change Your Anxiety.
Can my anxiety be useful and telling me something?
All emotions are messengers that give us a signal of how we're doing on the inside. Our culture teaches us to focus on the outside, and many of my clients get stuck in the' accolade cycle.' The accolade cycle is when you keep doing/creating because you want validation from your family, boss, or friend. There's nothing wrong with doing a great job and being recognized. However, the accolade cycle hurts hardworking women when they keep doing/creating to feel better about themselves.
What does anxiety look like in hardworking women? One might think that you might be curled up in a ball in the corner, just trying to calm yourself down. However, that’s not the case. For badass women, anxiety can look like not being able to delegate tasks, struggling to trust that things will be OK if they set a boundary or express their limits, and trusting that they can take a break. This deep-seated negative belief that somehow they’re not enough as they are.
This negative belief of 'you are good enough' fuels women to achieve a lot because anxiety produces a lot of physical energy in the body. The anxiety helps fuel the keep moving shield as protection. The keep moving shield is a way that many badass women use to help move to the next achievement, the next big task project in life. The anxiety can keep you running for years. That is why slowing down so hard because it stops that anxiety cycle that becomes a normal way of life for you.
The anxiety cycle doesn't have to rule your life. Let’s take it a little deeper. In my experience, I have noticed that underneath a lot of badass women’s anxiety, there is a lot of anger. Emotions are energy in motion. So if we imagine a little girl gets angry and doesn’t have an opportunity to express that her boundary was violated, where do you think that energy goes? It goes into her body and stays there.
In her seminal book Boundary Boss, Terry Cole talks about the idea of self-abandonment. The self-abandonment starts at a young age. Self-abandonment can look like you want to express yourself and your true thoughts; however, they get shut down by a caregiver or teacher. Self-Abandonment could look like leaving that old project/activity that fires up for practical reasons. Women are trained in our culture to practice self-abandonment freely, unconsciously, and every day. Self-abandonment is when you need to be by yourself, watch that Netflix series, have a nice bath, be with your thoughts, say no to a project at work, and set limits with your spouse and children.
You're not alone!
Many of us women struggle with anxiety and self-abandonment.
Here are two techniques to use your anxiety to transform yourself:
1. Pay Attention: Pay attention to how you're feeling. Checking in with yourself daily helps you validate how you're feeling and breaks the cycle of self-abondment and putting others' needs above your own.
2. Own what you're feeling: The first step to any change is acknowledging what's happening. By you owning your anxiety and making room for it, you're freeing yourself from the patterns this anxiety causes in your life. You can choose your reactions more calmly and engage in the world differently.
I invite you to try these two steps. They seem simple, yet practiced daily is a truly transformative practice. Above all, there's lots of hope because it’s never too late to start setting boundaries, taking care of yourself, and truly loving who you are. There is no one like you. The author Caroline Hayes was 50 years old and wrote her first book, and at 58, she opened up her publishing company for self-help books. And she said you are precisely where you need to be.
So many badass women struggle with feelings of loss, and we need to do more. And the reality is that you're right on time with your healing any way you need to be! It’s never too late to try something new, try on some different set of boundaries, genuinely love yourself and take time for yourself. I truly and wholeheartedly believe that that is what I and her will do to heal. All women want to come home, safely live their bodies, and realign all of their beautiful talent and energy to focus on what matters to them. And holy shit, that is true transformation.
Soul Glue Reflection:
What is one thing of self-care you can do for yourself today? What are you feeling now?
You’re worthy of having a safe space and someone to listen. See my next blog post or reach out to me at hello@soulgluetherapy.com or 920-990-2625 to schedule your free 15-minute no obligation consultation.
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References:
Cole, T. (n.d.). Boundary boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, be seen, and (finally) live free.
