Brittany’s Story about NO!
Saying no to events, things, or people that does not serve you can help you feel more content.
When you first start to say no, put limits on your time, energy, and who you spend your time with, saying no could be difficult. The good news is that it gets better with practice. Because the default conditioning of women is to consent, be subservient, accommodate, and saying no can feel scary. Feeling scared when you say no for the first time is entirely common. Some of my clients share that they were shaking the first time they had to say no or set a boundary. However, deep down they knew they had to face their fear.
Brittany was a 33year-old kick-ass woman who received her Masters, and was thinking about pursuing her Ph.D. Brittany knew that she had a lot to offer the world. She practiced dedication, motivation, and hard work to change her family's scripts of poverty and struggle. She was the first woman and her whole family to receive her undergrad, her master's, and the opportunity to pursue her Ph.D. Brittany got herself an apartment and was living life, so she thought.
She came to therapy because whenever she would be around her father, she would ignore her feelings, not say what she was thinking, and fall into the old family pattern. Brittany was fraught with anxiety. Brittany was an accomplished, hard-working kick-ass person and still was struggling from anxiety. The old family pattern was that Brittany would be pretty polite, and I haven’t even the thoughts, opinions, and listen. Brittany‘s culture was very conservative and had some British influence. Speaking up to her father cause Brittany to have severe anxiety, stomach aches, and go into shutdown mode. Brittany shut down mode was smiling, nodding her head, imploding, and getting resentful on the inside.
Resentments and bottled-up feelings sometimes comes out at work where she gets passive-aggressive with coworkers or authority figures. Brittany couldn’t understand why she was feeling all this anxiety if she could conquer all of her other anxieties and move through old beliefs or patterns of being so she can scope out a different life for herself and her future family.
During therapy, Brittany was able to link her old childhood conditioning to her current level of anxiety. She had a hard time saying no. Brittany put the pedal to the metal, used her battle energy, and worked on understanding boundaries. She went on to understand what happens when she says no. She was blown away at how she felt! Through the power of relationships and therapy, Brittany felt and got a sense that she was worthy and that she had a right to say no, and that’s OK.
After doing the hard work, Brittany was able to say no to her father and set boundaries with her time, energy, and how she showed up in her relationships. Taking her power back was significant and created a massive shift for Brittany. She could now have a more fulfilling relationship and show up more authentically with her father instead of being this shell of a child that needed to fill his void.
Soul Glue Reflection:
What do you need to say no to? Where is your power?
Sincerely,
