A Story to Kick Good Old Perfectionism.

Good old perfectionism is anxiety’s annoying cousin.

Let me tell you a story of Lily. Lily is an empathetic, kind, strong woman who decided to teach special ed. She dedicated herself to her teaching craft and genuinely felt empathy and kindness for all the students she helped. Lily was relentless in her paperwork and making sure that everything was done, every T was crossed, and I was dotted. Lily was an avid reader and enjoyed joining book clubs and reading fiction novels. And one day, she decided to write her own. Lily also lived a very intentional life, connecting to her values with nature, hiking, and intentional with her actions and values.

On the outside, it looks like Lily has everything that she ever wanted, and she looks like she’s living according to her values. Yes, and underneath everything, Lily struggled with a deep sense of perfectionism and a history of emotional and mental abuse from her family of origin. So that his perfectionism came out as her ability to intellectualize meaning thinking her way through her feelings which a lot of us do. It was not till she reached a point where she couldn’t intellectualize her feelings anymore that she reached out for therapy. In therapy, Lily struggled with self-acceptance. She also struggled with paying the fee to come to therapy and investing The time into herself. Lilly's thoughts were, “ do I really get to have this for myself”? A lot of her feelings she couldn’t understand and didn’t make sense. This left me feeling angry and frustrated.

She worked hard with her family of origin, identifying patterns sitting with feelings and allowing his therapist to sit with her and explore his feelings. After learning about the impact of family abuse, neglect, the lack of education and knowledge around the feelings children have of abusive homes, she slowly started to have more self-compassion and express herself and not self-harm. Lily understood that her feelings were valid, and the experience she went through it was harrowing and difficult. As she excepted her feelings thoughts, Lily was able to accept herself. Perfectionism makes us strive for success and to hide our feelings of inadequacy, but the true present is loving and accepting ourselves, which is bravery. Lily can now practice self-compassion, self-acceptance, and knowing that she’s more than her post, she can slow down, and knows she’s good enough.

Can you relate you Lily?

Please take good care of your heart!

Sincerely,